And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
