I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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