i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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