Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
