ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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