wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
