So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
