I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
