she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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