Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
