bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
