you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
