I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
