if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
