I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
