Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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