Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
