Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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