Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
