I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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