there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
