shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
