Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
