if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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