Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
