New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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