Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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