my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
