That reminds me...we need to get swords
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
