I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
