Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
