he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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