I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
