I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
