i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
