I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
