never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
