Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
