wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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