So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
