i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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