Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
