All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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