The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
