Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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