umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
