Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
