Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
