I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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