Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
