The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
