Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no you cant smoke seaweed
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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