I am puke
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
