Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
