I've blown a few things in my day
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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