Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It all started with a game of naked twister.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
