I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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