And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
