rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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