fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
