Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
