I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
