when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
