Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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