I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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