My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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