would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
